Blessed

So, I am sitting in my room, and I should be studying for my exam that I have at 8:30 this morning, which, by my clock is an hour and 23 minutes from now. However, all I can seem to do is cry. This is something that I have been doing alot of these last past weeks, and I hate it. I don't like crying, especially in front of people and it's something that I can't seem to stop doing.
This past weekend my amazing and wonderful friends surprised me with a digital camera for Christmas. I managed to not cry in front of them, but there was for sure crying afterward. I cannot express how much I love my friends. They are wonderfully amazing people whose love has blessed me in ways I could never imagine. However, upon posting to my Facebook status how blessed I felt to have them in my life this was posted to my wall by my mother:

TO ALL OF JASMINE"S FRIENDS....as Jasmine's mother please accept my gratitude for supporting my daughter through her many emotional and physical struggles. It appears she has met many good people this year ....for this I am eternally grateful. It pains me to read her notes of apparent dispair and struggles. However ...please know that she does have a family that has been with her through her many many problems........we love her and continue to support her. If she choses not to be with us there is nothing we can do. She does not want to be confronted by us in her financial and medical mismanagement of her life and therefore choses not to be this us which we respect. I have remained silent over the last year but her continued public display of lack of family of support and love is just sad. God helps those who help themselves.....please accept my appreciation for being there for her since she choses not to seek the help she needs.

In theory this would not sound like a bad note, however, it is written to be incredibly condescending and basically telling my friends that they should not be friends with me. I have been struggling with my family for years. My family has never really understood me, and my mom and I have always been at odds, unless I am doing what she wants me to. I am really trying to be strong, and get through this week(it's finals), but the amount of energy that this is requiring is almost too much for me. I love that Steve encouraged me to change my voicemail message, and it is somewhat comforting to know that I don't have to respond to them until this week is over.
I am beginning to feel like this is an enormous battle and God is testing me. My faith is wavering, and not cemented, and I need to find my fill from HIM. He can provide for me more than anyone else can. I need to realize that I don't have to be the best at everything, and I don't have to be the person that my mother wants me to be. I need to be the person that HE made me to be. I have no idea who that person might be yet, but I know that she seems to be loved by many people. I am hoping that someday, that will be enough for my mother. Until that day, she doesn't deserve to have me in her life.
I have found people that loved me, not based on what I do or can do for them, but because I am me. I think that has been the greatest gift that I have received from my friends. They have been so amazing and wonderful and I love that they love me!
I am sorry that this is sooo long. I just had to get these thoughts of my chest.